Who Made You A Mama?!

2008-11-30T17:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Halloween. Merry Christmas and New Year.

Hello good people. I know you've missed be but really where have I gone. Well yes as far as my blog about parenting and other dangerous jobs (insert snicker) I have not been around. Mainly because I've been parenting and living. I'm going to try and stay current with this as much as possible. It's rather difficult because I don't live my life on the internet. I live my life. So when I get here I get here.

I can't believe another year has come and gone. THis has def been a year of cha ch ch cha changes. Of course starting with the obvious election of our PRESIDENT. Of course my children were engrossed in the election along with the rest of the world. P and D spent many a night at the kitchen table debating the politics of Mcain, Obama and Clinton. D was a Clinton and Obama supporter for some time and P was a diehard Obama mama.

Here's some dialogue from an after dinner debate

An overheard and slightly heated debate between the YOUNG YOUFS

So I'm downstairs in the basement checking my email when I hear Phina and Dahvi in the kitchen discussing politics while playing a friendly game of

They're also got Janelle Monae on repeat on our borrowed Karaoke machine. The following is exactly what they said word for precious word.

Dahvi " I want Hiliary Clinton to win."

Phina- " She can't win. She already lost. Obama is going to win.

Dahvi- "Well they can be friends"

Phina-"Why would a president be another president's friend. I think George Bush is not a good speaker. George Bush is not the president anymore. He stopped being president. He needs to say "one nation under god".

Dahvi- "Hilary Clinton and Obama are friends. Did you know that?"

Phina-" But George Bush is not anybody's friend."

Dahvi- "i know he don't hug and he don't kiss anybody."

Phina-" I know. Ohh wait this is my song."

(Janelle Monae's "Smile" plays in the background.

2008-03-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

Stuff I've been wanting to say and write but really can't ..well sort of...

When you're married it seems other people perceive your relationship based on their on preconceived notions, experiences or current situations.

Carl and I have a great relationship mainly because he's my friend. I've blogged and said that before. We have our own jokes etc and on and on. Yeah I know its sappy. Carl as an artist or musician has never changed me or made me envy him. Never. He'll vouch for the many shows or few shows that I've attended where I'll usually post up way in the back or out the way.
And that's mainly because he becomes someone else.

He becomes KOKAYI. I know all about KOKAYI. And he's cool, humble and has star quality. He's a genius in fact. Don't let him know I said that. But I know, love and adore Carl. When he's in KOKAYI mode and whether I'm there on biz or not; I let him do KOKAYI. I'm no groupie. In fact when friends and acquaintances come to me on some KOKAYI ish about how great he is, I'm immediatly the jester. Usually I'll answer with a quick like Yeah he's alright. Yeah cool. Ummmmmm. This is not an act. I repeat this is not an act. That's just me.

I want the best out of Carl and KOKAYI. I push him as a friend, wife and artist. And I don't know what spouse wouldn't.

ahhh

The kids are on Spring break and I'm worn out after watching them run around the MALL( DC's mall you know the monument etc). And now they're busted and smacked out in bed. Ahh fresh air. Dahvi has to memorize an original piece written by moi for an oratorical contest for women's month. He had already had the four line masterpiece down pat when his teacher said he needed more lines. I think I'll add two more Hip Hip Hooray's at the end and let it be. Well Hip Hop Hooray according to Dahvi.

holla

2008-01-03T21:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Happy Good People

Mama's Back. I'm estactic to start this new year. I'm not going to get into resolutions and revolutions. 07 was a good starter year for 08. my hubby finished and released his first solo record. Man that was a long time coming. I'm proud of him for staying focused, writing producing and performing on the entire project. And yes i did lend a hand on one of the hooks.
less talk more walk is our fam and work motto. really we're just hoping and praying for more peaceful moments. trying to stay honest to ourselves and what we do despite all the dishonesty and negativity that goes on. even though I'm an aspiring songwriter, i sincerely don't want to deal with the music industry. even locally and regionally it's a bitch. there are shady, selfish, fake people at all levels. no one is really out to help each other even in a small town like DC. because sincerely DC is not a major city nor is it an industry city. i try my best to stay away from all of that and keep my eyes on the prize or to the sky. i can't worry(being the worry wart ) about what other people, artists whomever are doing. And I'm proud to say I really haven't let it affect my work etc. I remain positive.

anywho i'm really proud of my lil homies phina and dahvi. they don't return to school until Monday so they've been at home for forever. ha ha. we had fun over the holidays with fam and hanging in the country with my peeps. tb continued

2007-10-09T06:10:00.000-07:00

The hustle and grind don't stop. To be continued..............

2007-09-18T18:04:00.001-07:00

The Long Tired Tale of the Jolly Mean Green Giant Queen and the Blue Line by S. Walker(move over J. K.Rollings Harry Potter Ain't Got Nothing On ME)

Today wasn't just one of those days. It was the day where I sincerely reached the edge of my crazy and held back. I'd been running around all day trying to find some long sleeve shirts for the youngins due to our recent low temps and was able to find some on sale. Then I passed my doctors appointment because seriously a regular medical exam feels like college finals or even the mcat which i have never taken. The results: HEALTHY AS A PEANUT BUT I DON"T EAT ENOUGH!! Imagine that. Oh Metabolism YOU. Time to count calories and hit the elliptical hardcore. Anywho I digress. So after picking up son and taking him to the Crown Plaza to "let loose" because why in the world would he use the bathroom before we left his school WHEN I ASKED if he had to use the bathroom! But i digress again.

So we hit the crowded blue line about 4:15 . We stand most of the ride by the doors and in front of a lady and her daughter who had the priveledge of being seated. I watch them gather their things and prepare to get up as we hit the Eastern Market stop. The mother gestured for us to get the seat. So as I swiftly move Dahvi and myself to the seat, this tall monster woman in green tweed blazer with a scrunched face bum rushes us and sits in the isle seat. WHAT!!

I'm like" Uhh Mam, We were just about to sit down here."

She says "There's still a seat here", gesturing to the seat beside her. I said in calm slightly rising voice with conviction and all the respect in the world,

" Well NO Mam, you saw us moving to this seat. We were right in front of the seat. AND besides that, the lady who just left gestured to us
to sit there."

NOW People, I realize my last point had no grounds. I mean the lady that sat there before with her daughter doesn't own Metro or that seat. But I was feeling myself getting heated.

THen Ms. Bumrush says

" Ms. THAT WHITE LADY don't own that seat. And I don't care. It's crowded."

So I reiterate in a stern conversational tone,

"Mam, What you did was very rude. The point is you saw us like everyone else on the train and decided to push past us anyway."

At which point I felt myself shaking a little. And I wondered to myself was this the brink?Was this the moment right before someone gets choked out? It felt similar to road rage( though I rarely drive but have experienced it). This was Metro Rage. This was a mean game of musical chairs without the quirky "do do do and laughter." This was my crazy. I felt warm and cold all at once.

I looked at Dahvi whom I had somehow managed to place in the seat beside THe Jolly Green Mean Giant and I could feel the tears push forward but I held them back. i held them back with everything I had. Nah she wasn't going to see me cry. I couldn't give her the satisfaction.

So I took a deep breath, grabbed my phone and started dialing random numbers. Who the hell do I call? Do I need to call the police? Why and what would I tell them. Could they arrest her for seat stealing and bumrushing without an execuse me during the height of rushour? Uhh no. I closed my phone, told Dahvi to sit back and looked blankly at the various faces around me. I received a few tired smiles that seem to say
Don't worry about this lady. She'll get hers and etc etc.

All the while I'm doing my best to stop shaking but my shaking isn't too noticeable and it's mostly in my sweaty hands. And then we reach Stadium Armory at which time an older lady with a cane gets on. She's standing so I move Dahvi and allow her to sit down. She says Thank You. Folks at this point I don't know how I started telling the older lady beside Jolly Green about what Jolly Green just did. But we started again.

And still in my regular voice with a little pitchiness to it I said

"You know what Mam you came across the right person. Next time you may not come across someone so nice." Wait folks. Wait for it. I said it. "God Bless You." Now i've never claimed to a religious person nor would ever be the type to utter those words. I do believe I'm spiritual and have been blessed etc etc. (see previous blogs) But i was never that "GOd BLess You Person." But it felt right at that moment.

And Ms. Jolly Bumrush goes" God has already blessed me."
"Well, I hope he blesses you again." I wasn't trying to be clever or anything. That's all I could muster because obviously that's what God wanted me to say. As the train halted to our stop I made a pathway for the older lady with the cane to get out. As the D-man and I made our way out of the door, another lady in a yellow blazer leaned to my ear and said
"And God's going to keep blessing YOU." and patted me on my shoulder. Somehow I mustered a meager Thanks before stepping out onto the platform and the flood of tears rushed down my face. My crazy and all my anger soaked my entire face. I tried to turn from Dahvi and called Lynn. I knew I couldn't call Carl knowing he may be on the next train and hearing me cry would make him wanna come and wreck shop. I flipped my phone and pushed the last person who had called me. i pushed the button so hard my fingers were stinging. My homie Lynn answered the phone and I let it all all out.

What she said was I should be proud that I kept my cool, didn't curse, didn't even yell and acted like a civilized person. And more than that showed my son how I can stand my ground and still maintain some level of respect even if i wasn't shown any. I can honestly say I would've acted the same way even if Dahvi wasn't with me. But if I was alone I would've probably remained on the train and stared her down all the way to Largo because I know that's where she was going.

When we get home, Dahvi hugs me. I tell him I'm just tired, told him that some people are mean and that I'm okay. I tried to keep it simple. I tried to keep it simple even on the blue line where common courtesy isn't a thought.

2007-09-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

My Pop Pop and Black Love ?

Yesterday my mother called and said my grandfather had a stroke. It comes as no surprise knowing that my grandfather has diabetes, hypertension, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. He used to smoke 5 or more packs of jacks a day for a good number of years as well. His eating habits are horrible to put it nicely. He's also a catankerous man who refuses to hang out with any of his fellow VA's(Korean War) and just eats and watches westerns all day everyday. And even though my mother scolds him, sneaks the bad food out of the house, and refuses to take him grocery shopping every week it was only a matter of time before something was going to happen. I pray for my grandfather who I call Pop Pop. He's stubborn enough to do a complete 360 and I hope this time he does.

BLack Love ?

Yesterday we took the kids to the Black Love Festival. The festival has been going on for 10 years. And each year it's gotten much better and crazier. I was sad to find out there really wasn't enough activities for the kids. And believe me there were kids coming out of every crevice of the park. To me some of the performances lacked originality and were not how do say kid-friendly or even okay enough for my children to half listen to. Between the shouting, cursing other cultures and a chant that involved Nigga, I was done. I thought to myself where's the love. I felt more anger from some of the groups than anything. I was glad to see some awards given to some of the elders in our community and the founder Kymone finally being recognized by the city for his efforts. I'm proud of Kymone. However I do challenge him to think more of others and to think of other ways to reach our folks. And to let his artists know as well. i don't believe in censorship but I do believe in respect. Hell I'm a traditionalist in a lot of ways. The bottom line is don't teach my children it's okay to say Nigger or Nigga. The word has come out my mouth before in the past but I have since curbed it thinking of my mother and my grandparents and their parents. Hell thinking about my kids. I support Kymone and his efforts. I'll always support any help to better our folks but it starts with responsibility of self and a new perspective. Let's not be limited in our approaches of black love or unity. And can we at least add facepainting to that. Okay well maybe Great Black American Face Painting. sorry couldn't help it.

2007-09-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

Randomness

Yes I'm back. I needed to take a break. We had a cool and humid summer. THe kids are back in school. Yes its' true. The D man is officially in preschool and showing all his mates how ITS really done. Phina is at a new school this year. So far I love the school, her teacher and the diverse community. both of them are doing well and seem happy. I've been busy finishing up my second play. Keep it on the hush. Ha ha. That's all I'll say about that. I've been writing a lot of songs lately and reading. I've been staying on Carl to finish his record. It should be done by Oct 1. We did the song order last night. BUTTERS! Watch out Kanye and Fifty. There's a new sheriff in town. If yall know me, rarely do you hear me chat up my hubby's talents. But he's got some fire. If he didn't I'd def speak on it. It's been a long time coming. I look forward to this fall/winter hopefully securing cool employment, ridding my life of debt, purchasing some property, putting on some dope events (FCS in the house), putting up my play and if the money's right traveling to Seattle(miss ya denee), Vegas(w homie lynn for our BDAYs), Austin(me and my hubby) and PARIS(with my homie R let's make it happen). I think I may skip Miami this year. I wanna go where everybody doesn't know my name!!

2007-06-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

UUUh been a long time..

Well I had planned on blogging while on vacay with the kids but due to my parent's dial-up and lack of good signalage out in the boonies, IT AINT HAPPEN FOLKS. But now I"m back and been busy keeping my kids busy while their papa is off galavanting(spelling?) doing his thing on tour in China, Mongolia and Russia. Check his bloggy on the trip at www.myspace.com/kokayi. Anyhow the kids and I spent a glorious fun-filled week at my parent's humble abode and vast plantation of a yard. The kids stayed outside most days from sun up til sundown, slid on the spidey slip and slide, sprayed with the hose by my pops, attacked Kinderman at C-Town's African Heritage Festival, marched in the AA parade, and finished every dinner with a cool pop and a warm bath. My parents also took us on a little jaunt to Amish Country and Dutch Wonderland. I loved Dutch Wonderland because it's especially made for the little ones. And I loved the fact that my kids were crazy busted when we got back to the hotel, THE STEAMBOAT INN which is yes in the shape of a steamboat. Cheesy but oh so perfect. I have to admit the Steamboat's dining room made me feel like I was on the Titantic. During the trip i had a little moment of insanity and actually thought of moving back to C-Town. It was very brief. After seeing the crazy condos and other pricey housing developments and the lack of privacy quickly changed my mind. C-Town is forever in my heart. Being there made me miss my late and favorite Uncle Vincent and his selflessness. There is a place for me and my family. There is a progressive arts community somewhere with little crime, diversity and land. It will find me. I know it.

2007-06-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

June

This month I've grown some hair (by way of braids by way of talented LaToyia). And yes of course it's been quite sticky these days so I haven't had the chance to wear it out but in due time. My hubby and best friend Carlo is presently in Mongolia hob snobbing with Embassy folks and Mongolian hip hop groups. He should be blogging soon but has complained about the slow comp service in his blazing 4/5 star digs. The kids miss him but hopefully a week in Cheddertown and an overnight in the Amish country should help the time go. I miss him a little mainly because he's the only one who really truly understands me. But I've been busy with promoting the Movement 10th Anniversary Show June 24 at the Lincoln Theatre. Years ago I was a poet, in a group, performing, creating and writing. I begin to think my writing was too personal and off to be shared onstage. Being married to a producer allowed me to find my new passion of songwriting.

Other than that, I have a great feeling about the rest of this year. I see many things that I will and cannot discuss because our family motto is less talk, more walk.

2007-05-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

This Past WEEK!!

Detroit is depressing! Can someone please give this city some money or jobs.

My friend Tamara can blow!! for real www.tamarawellons.com

All I really want to do is write songs and freelance.

My hubby took a little jaunt to Germany and tore it up!! And soon he'll be leaving me for the Far East. And he won a grant before he left. And I can't even speak on his upcoming ALBUMS!! yes albums. i said it. and what!!

My daughter and son both got accepted to good, cool schools. That's WZUP!!!

I had to cancel my BIG HAIR appt. But it has since been rescheduled.

I'm plotting to move. I can't even speak on it. We're just going to do it!!!

I lost 4 inches because that's what its about. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's more to lose. And yes I will be speaking on that!!And when I do here's a sameple of what I'll be ragging!! Peep above. Oh and the bag is my new lust. No losing required to carry that. Only dollars. Several.

2007-05-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

Oh Where oh Where to Dwell??

I've been living in DC for twelve years now. I've seen a lot of things. When I lived in NW, I saw someone get shot on my street. It was late in the evening and I lived on the 2nd floor in a huge brownstone. that was by far the best apartment I rented. My roommate at the time was well I'll never blog that one. Anywho I've lived all over the city except in SW. My first apartment was in Southeast off of Central Ave. I used to catch the bus on the corner near my house to the metro station. There were times I would even walk home from the Metro. I was a young single woman working full-time and chilling. My apartment wasn't the safest. It was actually in front of some abandoned buildings. During my whole time living there, I was never bothered, robbed or hurt. And I would hear shots on a regular and read about my own neighborhood crime reports. And nothing ever happened to me or my neighbors. I know all the sterotypes that are placed on DC residents etc. I go a little more universal than that. I look at it as a city thing. In the city there tends to be more crime due to poverty, lack of jobs, education etc, gentrification etc etc on and on. I'm aware of all that yet still when crime happens to you all that goes out the window. Fortunately no one was hurt etc but you have to think "what if". It's never cool going down that road but naturally can't help it. For my children's sake and my own sanity, I feel a move out of DC may be best.
Tis sad. I love my current neighborhood. All our neighbors are extremly friendly and watch out for each other. My husband and I have taken walks through our hood and seen some beautiful houses and met people who are really into community activism. We actually saw some property for sale. And we're very aware of what the dc govt plans are for our neighborhood. So of course it would be in our best intrest to buy in now. It's not this one incident that has bought me to this decision. It's on top of a heap of other things. (check the prior country blogs) THis is what i know I want out of my hood. I need heat. I don't mind mild winters. I can't do a lot of snow and freezing. And I'm a winter baby. I need land. Lots of land. But I need museums and culture. I need diversity. I don't like too many of the same type of people be it all elderly or all housewives. Mix it up a bit. I'm leaning toward the west coast. It's a bit costly. Arizona maybe. Or New Mexico. I think I'm ready to tap into my hippy ways. So keep us in prayer as we decide where we will plant ourselves.

2007-05-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

Okay so I bragged a bit too much about the start of my Mama Day weekend. Well my actual Mother's day ended up being a little bloody and filled with crazies!!!. My husband being the manly man that he is was putting together our new grill and ended up slicing his pointer finger on his left hand down to the bone. After I ran, threw some peroxide on it, watched him gauze it up he continued on fixing the wheel. I'm like Uhh don't you think we need to go to the hospital. Of course being the Brawny man that he is, he says" Oh I'm all right. Let's get to barbecuing." And so he proceeded to finish screwing the wheels on the grill. So I was like Look a here Cliff Huxtuble, put your shoes own, wake the kiddies from their dreamland and let's bounce to the emergency room. We get to GW Hospital and end up spending the next four hours in St. E's. Luckily being the smart mama that I am, I brought snacks for my kids yet no entertainment. There actually ended up being plenty of entertainment in er waiting room between the movie Liar Liar and the nutballs waiting to be seen. The first victim was a grown man of the caucasian persuasion who gathered up some fake tears and began to wail. His exact wail was
" I just need a pill. Please help me. I don't need an x-ray. I just want to die. I wish I was dead." And then he started banging the back of his head against the wall. My daughter Phina said " Mommy, why doesn't somebody give him a pill." I told her not to worry and to finish her fig newton. And then comes the superchucky sista yelling at the young resident because there are four people with the last name Reed or Ried or Read. She informed him rather loudly that he needs to know who is who. Finally, my husband's name is called. He returns an hour later with five stitches and apologies. The Dr. said he missed his tendon by THAT much which ain't much. I told him it wasn't his fault. As we were leaving we saw Mr. Wail all bandaged up and smiling. Carl said while he was seeing the Dr., he saw them give Mr. Wail some perk pills. Guess he got what he came for. So when we get home our neighbor tells us someone dug up her roses and stole them. As she's telling us the story, we see an older pop pop gentleman lounging on the corner of our house. And of course my husband in his polite yet forecful-you-know-i-will-jack-u-up kind of tone tells him he needs to roll. Pop pop is holding a large beer can of course and stumbles away to our other neighbors truck and decides to plant his beer onto the hood. When we get in the house, I peep out the side window and see Pop Pop sprawled out in the alleyway, shoes off while our neighbor pours his can of beer on his head. It looks like his eye was a dark blue as well. I sigh. My husband flames up the barbecue for the kids, my friend Tomi and her baby and myself. We enjoyed a lovely meal of pasta salad, scallops and curry tofo, scallops, spinach/rice, yuca, turkey/dogs (for meateaters), strawberry shortcake and other delights. My husband was getting his grill on using one hand until he noticed a long tail of a white opossum in our neighbors backyard. And the cuing was done.

Happy Mama Day

2007-05-11T17:33:00.000-07:00

Mama Day

My mama's day weekend got off to a grRRRRReat start with my daughter's K class High Tea Celebration. I think the Queen Lizzy left too early last week because the celebration was just her type of party. I mean there was real china involved here Folks. China and Kindergarteners!!

Of course my daughter pressed me the whole week about making tea sandwiches. So of course the night before, my husband and I threw some hummus, cucumber and lemon onto that good whole wheat trader joe bread, sliced them down to bitesize and fridged them until the next morning.

My daughter's classmates were dressed to the TENS!! in their garden dresses, hats (some had gloves) , suits and cheesy grins you can't take your camera off of.

There were many song selections and dancing including the function appropiate "I'm a Little Teapot," And oh there was a walz in which my daughter's partner was a first grader who can read on a six grade level. HA

A lovely start to my weekend.

2007-05-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

`AHH THE CHICKEN BOWL!!!!!

I've been getting my fitness on and returned to my vegetarian ways, I've attended many gatherings where the food of choice has been meat, grease, fat and more meat grease and fat.

I don't know one person in this day and age who hasn't heard about the obesity epidemic or has recognized how fat this nation is. And it doesn't help that the food industry is getting FAT from pushing overprocessed greasy quicky eats every five minutes. Case in point? My husband and I were indulging in some tv coonery last week while watching VH1's latest black EXPLOITATION Charm School featuring the girls from their first coonery effort Flavor of Love. In between the ignorance, we took notice of the ads. The KFC chicken bowl is the one that really caught our eye and turned our stomach. Yes The Chicken Bowl is their latest sodium venture.
The ads promises layers of flavor by piling all white meat, sweet corn, 3 cheeses, and white gravy ontop of a white mountain of potatoes. Now if you didn't know it, KFC is standing by the 0 TransFat. Now to the average consumer who knows a lil something something about nutrition may think Oh I can down one of those chicken bowls and get my daily servings on and there's no trans fat. That's got to be good right. Sure but no Trans fat doesn't mean there isn't any fat. And while we're at it let's really get down to the greasy bizness of it all shall we. I went and looked on the oh so lovely nutrition chart the KFC website provided(becuz I"M A NERD) and found some tangs.

Though white meat is way better than dark meat nutritionally, there are still some flavorings and large sodium quanities I take issue with. As you peruse the actual ingrediates for everything, take notice of your four food groups. SALT, SODIUM, SUGAR, AND MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE!!
Add some other forms such as enriched flour, sodium bicarbonate, dextose, syrup, mono, sugar, other forms of sodium etc and on and on.

Yes while there is no trans fat to be found, you can fill up on 2200 something miligrams of sodium in a chicken strip. And lets not even talk calories here.

Not once was the commercial shown during celebrity fit club.

So back to the functions I've been attending. One was a church function in which I ended up eating lettuce, water, and a small slice of cake since everything seemed to have had pork in it. Can I get some vegetables without pork flavoring. No. I was scared to even eat cake fearing I'd bite into a pork rind. I mean PEOPLE! Black people. My people. We know how we get down as far as cooking. But come on. Too many of us are dying early of heart disease, high cholesterol and diabetes. Can we have some better nutritional choices.

I am fortunate for my country upbringing. My parents had their own gardens and we're not talking a little vine of tomato by the curb. I'm talking a serious garden where whatever we grew, we stored away, cleaned, cooked and ate. We had rows upon rows of corn,squash, green beans, tomatoes, cucumbers, lima beans, watermelon, cantoloupe, and some more stuff. And there was a peach tree right beside our house. And the crem de la crem: White Grapes and concord grapes(u know the purple ones) grew on vines along my grandparents driveway which happened to be right by my house. So you know when they were ripe, my mother and I were THE JELLYMAKERS. We were short on Jelly. And when I was even younger at my great-great grandmother Annie's house, which had a long lane right out of a fairytale; we would churn homemade ice-cream in this contraption that looked like an ole washing machine.

And still today in all my 34 years I have yet to taste an ice cream that was just as banging!

As a rebellious teenager I couldn't stand working in the garden in 90 plus degree weather. Yet now I really wonder why I still live in the city.

I can hear Joni Mitchell now. " You don't know what you got til it's gone".

Thanks for tuning into this latest episode of As The Country Gurl Turns.
There are still some questions left unanswered.

1) Will Seshat drop her hip gurl charade, turn her back on the city life and convince her family to don overalls(funky ones of course) for life in the great wide open.

2) Will she forget about being a vegetarian and go straight to raw food?

3) Or will she turn into a fab hippie mom with big dreamgirl hair?

find out next time on As The Country Gurl Turns

2007-05-02T11:39:00.001-07:00

Saving Hip Hop One Bad Word at a Time
Hip Parenting 101

Now that Russell Simmons is on his mission to save hip hop from itself, I've decided to give the rap community my lil 3 cents with some alternative words they can use to stay fresh and in the street.

tart instead ho( u get it and its not offensive because its also a dessert now who doesn't want to be a dessert. SWEET.

negro instead of n****(it still has power and allows the user to gain more a historical perspective)

fish instead of bitch (often used by the some males in the homosexual community but i believe it gets the point across yet still remains in the animal family just as bitch)

Lately I've started resurrecting some ole skool west coast slang like "set trippin" which i practiced this morning on my daughter Phina.

Hip Parents Take Note:

"I know your face didn't just frown up because you have to get up "
Girl you set trippin!

And scene.

Mind you my daughter continued to frown because she was clueless about the lingo.

stay tuned for my next blog- The Good School

2007-04-30T04:56:00.000-07:00

It's Monday and the b-day boy is still in bed recovering from his party weekend at Chuck E. Cheese and such. A good time was had by all. Chuck E. is truly a phenom. He was able to make my son cry with fear and dance all at the same time. I'm thinking that was really due to a lack of sleep and overstimulation. It was a crazy 90 minute (oh yes a time limit) Saturday afternoon overflowing with screaming and laughing, pizza(of which I passed due to weight mission), a spiderman cake, chips ( i mean tokens), paparazzi flashes and the Giant Rodent himself. And in the end I came to the conclusion on a couple of things.

1) Sir Dahvi needs to begin seeking employment now that he is the ripe ole age of 3. He has the skills to be a drummer, dump truck man, and Bob The Builder. It changes everyday. You're 3 now son. GET FOCUSED!
2) I shouldn't be charged to have my cake sliced for me. If I had known I would've brought my own knife.
3) The Chuck E Cheese Franchise is really just a kid casino. And I want stock now!

2007-04-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

I realized 3 months after my birthday that I'm officially at the end of THE BRACKET. Oh so you don't know what the bracket is. Well folks it means this is my last year to be a part of the demographic. Next year I will be 35 and part of a demographic that isn't necessary to any industry except maybe early retirement. I knew this day would come but not so soon. IIt doesn't matter that I'm on the edge, ahead of the trend, and in the streets.Well it's not like anyone was listening to me during the past four years since marketing companies are buddies with the 18-24 group. The media, music industry and popular culture should be paying me for my perspective. I'm an child of the 80's damnit. That should account for something. My generation consists is made up of some of the illest innovators there are. Shouldn't my demographic be deemed the "go to crew for pure hotness". And making comments on those lame VH1 I love THe (fill in era) shows ain't enough. And I know every generation before has their thing that makes them the shit. But its something about a breakbeat, Arsenio Hall, Tiananmen Square, Michael Jackson, the Berlin Wall, shelltoes, the Jheri Curl, good punk rock, and on and on. We're a generation that's viable and needed. We provided more than just damn theme songs for car, fast food and Gap commericals. You already know we got the flavor. So who are you to say i'm not fly at 35. I'm a proud card carrying memeber of Generation X who provides all the funk, spice and coolness for Generation Next. Recognize the Prize.

2007-04-20T16:38:00.000-07:00

Seshat vs Chuckie Cheese rep

Okay so next Saturday is the boy's 3rd birthday. Dahvi the Robot will host his shindig for 5 A-listers at Chuck E. Cheese in Fairfax. Okay prior to this confirmation, his mother was involved in a lil phone battle with a rep after the oh so case sensitive online booking service wouldn't take my credit card exp date. After entering my information so many times, I decided to book over the phone. Now prior to this I had been on Mr. Cheese's website for the past two days trying to solidify a party time for Sir Walker and His Guests. Everyplace in nearby Maryland and Va was booked save for one 10am spot in Silver Spring and some 8pm slots here and there. I thought 10 am slot was a bit early for a party on Saturday and 8pm too late for the youngins. I wanted a noon or even 2:00pm. Okay so back to the phone. After holding for 5 minutes, I explained in my slow, pleasant voice about the online mishap. And then came the interrogation by chuck e cheese wack girl no. 1!!

1) Is your card invalid? (yeah in fact its stolen. its not even mine)
2) Did you put in all of your account number? (no it couldn't possibly fit in that long white space you provided)
3) Are you sure that noon is available? Because we show that it's booked.
You know the red spaces mean it's booked right?
( No but your red face could mean that I just smacked u!! sorry folks i tried to keep it pg)

HOnestly my responses were quite stern yet polite even though she was being a blatant butthead!!!. Needless to say I told her well I guess nevermind since NOON is not available?
So I leave, go pick up Phina from school, come back, get online and lo and behold I see the same spot still open. This time I slowly and painstakingly put in all my info and tada!!. Mission accomplished.
I hope Sir Dahvi enjoys his thin pizza, tokens and the giant dancing mouse.

2007-04-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went to Philly to see this band called the Klaxons. They are currently one of my favorite wild out bands. Philly has a cooll vibe. No one pushed us on purpose. Unlike the massive shoves I experienced at DC's 9:30 club during the Lily Allen concert. My friend R and I thought we were the only sistas there for a while until we actually went upstairs. Two other sistas had their sista radar on and somehow found us. We all hung as if we'd known each other forever. A great time was had by all. One of the them writes a hilariously funny blog. check out www.connykate.wordpress.com. It's right up my alley. In the meantime I've been focusing on writing songs. Mainly rock and dance songs. I have songs in all genres(even one that don't exist yet.) I don't do country. I can't fade it.
I don't mind a little of the Dixie Chicks but after a while the twang gets to me. Going to shows like the Klaxons gives me inspiration. The little rock star in me would come out if I could actually sing. Yeah I know they say you don't really have to sing to be a rockstar but bump that I want to belt like Aretha when I'm thrashin. So because I know this will never be, I'll stick to writing songs that all the rockstars will sing. Prayerfully. In the meantime, i'm going to have my children act out a rockstar life(in pictures and video that is). Oh don't get shocked. It's going to be very G on their part. I know they are already rockstars. check out the pic from the upcoming Rockamentary: The Vicious Kids or the Young Youfs(as my husband calls them) They show a lot of promise. They've got the talent, the looks and the attitude. I'm not exploiting them. I'm providing an outlet for their creative expression. And if they don't become rockstars but end scientists and a "dumptruck man"(my son's exact words), they will still rock on.

2007-04-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

I've always had hips. They run in my family on my father's side I was told. These days I have a little extra due to my two kids, metabolism and some bouts of post partum depression. No i'm not happy with my body. I was a vegetarian for about 8 or more years of my life. I know how to exercise and eat right. I know that I don't eat enough actually. I need to actually snack every two hours but really who has the mind to think about that with a almost three year old and other things. I've been known to skip meals which is not good at all. Skipping meals means fat will build up. We don't eat junk. We cool in Olive oil. We drink loads of water to the point that my kids ask for water, not soda or sugary artificial juices. I don't do exercise. I love to dance and walk. Living in the city in the wintertime doesn't allow me to walk as much as i used to when I was single without kids and living in the country. I'm active but not as active as I was when I was in college or two years out of college. I know about portion control. I know about all of this. Yet i still battle. I have yet to lose the weight I want to. I'm tapping into my movtivation more so than ever because as I get older, I know its harder to get the weight off. In addition I don't want it to cause me any other problems later. And looking at the diabeters, high cholestoral, cancer etc that run in my family, I know I have no choice but to lose this weight. Yes I'm blessed that I have this knowledge and I'm healthy. This is starting to read like chicken noodle soup for the soul. UGGG. Anyway, I"m going to get off the pot and put all my energy in it for myself and my family. But mainly for myself. I''m committing myself today to get on it for real. No I don't want to be a size 2. My body frame shouldn't be that. I just want to rid myself of my baby fat(babies as far as kids) tone up and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I'm on my way.

2007-04-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Today is time for reflection. I'm looking at how much my life has changed the better in such a short amount of time. I still have work to do but I'm up for it. I'm ready for an environmental and physical change. In other words I'm ready to ditch DC and possibly the east coast and ditch these baby pounds I still have. These days I try not to receive negativity as much as possible. I try my best to stay clear of those who don't want to change and rather do the same thing. I've been ready to take it up a notch. Take it to the next level on all fronts. I ain't scared. I realize as in the past, when one decides to do so, some folks get left behind. And that's okay. It's truly okay to outgrow people. I want my husband to realize that too. He's doing and going to do some amazing things. Such is life. I'm excited about all possibilites. My kids are progressing really well in everything. 30's aren't the new 20's. They're just new.

2007-03-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

mama spring break

when i was in college, i never went anywhere for spring break except home to the eastern shore.
i've just returned from miami. I attended the winter music conference with my fellow mama friend T. she just happens to be a lovely songstress too. in addition we were joined midweek by my other mama friend R who just happens to be a dope designer who showed in Fashion WEEK. aha so you see I don't roll with no regualer mamas. we're fly women who just happen to have kids. I say that because I've been descriminated in the past because I had kids. yes it does happen people. there are single, sometimes married folks without kids who don't know how to be around kids, deal with kids, or don't even like them. and by me being involved in various artistic projects etc etc, I would have thought the art scene would be more liberal or cool with kids. but alas i have dealt with fellow artists who treated me QUITE DIFFERENTLY when they saw me with my kids. they don't realize having kids has shortend my level of tolerance. at first i felt a way and then I thought they're the one's missing out. i got the prizes. since i've had kids, i've written tons of songs and articles. after giving birth to my daughter i wrote a grant, received it, and then produced, directed, and starred in my own production. mamas are the shhhh. not only that i'm a shhh because i'm not just a mama. i need to thank my husband for holding it down on the homefront and making me go. i want to thank my friends who just happen to be mamas, T and R(the initials are to protect the innocent) for a funfilled, relaxing, dope spring break. we went to some fly parties, stayed in a cool hotel, sweated, got free donuts from the KRISPY KREME man, met some cool folks, slept in late(WHAT), snubbed door people, got our hustle on 4 real, and celebrated successes. shout outs to my other fly mama friend Tomi.

2007-03-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

Great Expectations

I know that you can't shield your children from anything but when you lay the groundwork, i kind of expect a little more. My kids are not allowed to watch scary movies. And really the only tv they get is pbs or an occasional thing on the Disney Channel. Nickelodeon is for adults or teenagers. I know many mom's my age who believe in the same things. And we consider us pretty free thinking people who are quite aware of what we'd like to our children exposed to. So PHina decides tell a story to Dahvi about Zombies eating people. So I say what do you know about Zombies and where have you seen them. Her face immediatly changed. I said calmly and very slowly " Did you see a scary movie somewhere? Tell me the truth." She hesistated. Then she said yes, I'm sorry. I said " Phina you know we don't allow you and Dahvi to watch scary movies. You should of just said I'm not allowed to watch scary movies. And I said I'm surprised given that you're even scared to walk past the scary movie section in blockbuster! Now don't get me wrong. Fear is good when it's natural. And though movies aren't real, my daughter's great fear of them and dogs is real. So I don't know. This is the second time this incident has occurred. No I can't control everything. I sincerely don't. But PHina knows we expect certain things from her. To be truthful. Mind her business. Don't talk to strangers. Be Polite. etc. Can a movie hurt her? Well I know it affects her deeply to the point that I can't even take her into blockbuster. She's afraid to sleep in her room sometimes. etc and on and on. Mind you this occurs as a result of the incident. Any other time, Phina sleeps in the pitchdark. So because I know I can't stop everything, I instill those things in her and hope she comes out on top. She's allowed to fall but as she gets older, I hope she continues to at least be truthful and make the right choices. Hopefully she'll realize how much power she has at such an early age.

2007-03-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

Today i pray for patience. It's so needed with children.
Anywho my daughter Phina is doing well in school. She's reading. She's getting her Akeelah and the Bee on for real. I'm so proud of her. And Dahvi is a charming genius. HE ALMOST convinced me that a diamond was a hexagon. And mind you, I didn't even remember what a hexagon was. HEX-six right. six sided. Don't hold it against me. Sorry I was never the math person. I think I actually still have a little anxiety. Yet I handle the finances. Go figure. My kids are showing great promise. and my husband. Well he has sewn on pocket protectors. OKAY!!!! My lovely hubby is making his way through Texarkana and other scary places to perform at South BY Southwest. I told him he better come back with a record deal or not at all. Well okay, some Gold will suffice. BLANG. Well he knows I'm estactic that he's doing this thang. mush.

2007-02-21T05:18:00.000-08:00

Message to Brittney Spears:

Post pardum depression is normal
Depression after divorce is normal
Depression after feeling like you've lost your career is normal
And ain't nothing wrong with getting your party on.
It's okay. You got dough.
Just get therapy and or Jesus to get your mind right.
Get a trainer to get your butt tight.
Buy a mansion faraway to stay outta sight.
And don't forget to give your Nanny or nannies a raise, or green card, or pay their tuition. Remember no matter how you look at it, they'll never call you a "baby mama." But Mr. Federline will always be a baby daddy. Because it's just so "hip".

upcoming blog-black culture's definition of a baby mama

2007-02-21T04:59:00.000-08:00

my top kid friendly songs aka DJ Phina MIXTAPE vol. 1

i played these songs at my daughter's pink party and they just couldn't get enough. i'm thinking it was the quirky beats that had them moshing their little hearts out or possibly sugar.

1) Gnarles Barkley-"Smiling Faces", "BoogieMonster" "Go-Go Gadget"
2) Sergio Mendez/Black-Eyed Peas-"Mas Que Nada"
3) Madonna-"Hung Up", "Can We Get Together", "Jump"
4) Bjork-"IT's Oh So Quiet"-great interactive song

2007-02-14T08:31:00.000-08:00

SNOW DAY!!!

We press their faces agains the windows and smile at the icey world below.
We hold their breath. Our eyes never leave the tv screen. We listen to the closings nervously. We're half dressed and half in the bed. Finally, we hear what we've waited all night for. We turn the tv off, snuggle beneath our blankets and try to sleep til at least 10. So I say to all my parents who are home today, Good night and Happy Snow Day!!!

2007-02-12T06:54:00.000-08:00

I'm recovering from the Pink Explosion that was my daugher's 6th bday party this past Saturday. Phina's Hot Pink Pajama Party(a joint effort between Phina and her Godmother Lisa) was a fun-filled evening of dancing, singing, cupcake decorating, a fashion show/photoshoot/ and pink pink pink everywhere. After my daughter's birth, I was deadset on never dressing her in the color. I was a bit overanalyctical those days. I was so busy trying to show everyone how strong, indpendent and black I was, I refused anything that I thought would make people view me otherwise. But we all know once you have a chile, it's like who cares what you think. I attributed pink with weak, co-dependency, shallowness, and materialistic. How stupid was that. I tried to dress my daughter in every color in the universe. My daughter was going to be the PRIMARY COLOR PRINCESS. I would dress her in bold reds, yellows, and blues. And everything in between. I even made a request prior to my babyshower. No Pinks please. But of course did I really think I could runaway from that. Between my family, my in-laws and some of my country friends, pink was in the house. And how ironic that it has become my daughter's favorite color. My daugher is bright, funny, charming, sweet, independent and very girly. I quickly found out that you can be feminine, glamourous, strong, smart and sweet all at the same time. And though I don't wear pink myself , it is no longer the enemy. I'll rock Orange til the end. I enjoy being a cool smart, independent, feminine woman and mama who has been trying to tap into her glamourous side after seeing Dreamgirls. Watch out now. So don't be afraid to put a little "Pink" in your heart.

2007-02-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

Well folks, It's been two months. I've been busy. I have two kids. Hello. I've been writing more. Got some things in the works. My daughter's b-day is coming up next weekend. And I'll be glad when its here and gone because its been her only topic of conversation. Though her Godmother and I are planning it, it seems my daughter has named herself THE Planner. She saw one episode of that MTV madness Sweet 16 while I was wrestling her hair and things haven't been the same. And so the HOT PINK PAJAMA PARTY is ready to jump off. My son is the only boy invited. And he so adores older women. He's all ready with his new jammies. Be afraid.

me

2006-12-02T10:25:00.000-08:00

ball and chain

My husband and I have been married for six years now. And as corny as it sounds, it really feels like 10. I believe our marriage is cool mainly because we're best friends. We don't hold anything back and we don't feel like we have to prove or show our love to anyone else. Some of my single friends fear the m word. They think it means lock down and that you need to be with your spouse every minute. tis not true. what makes a marriage in my experience is having that time apart and having your own life. i mean what the hell are you going to share with your bestfriendhubby or wifey if you don't have anything going on personally outside the home. everyone gets caught up with pre-conceived notions and a stoneaged, waspy definition of a legalized committment. a good fun long term relationship comes from being secure in yourself and not relying on the other person to define who you are. my husband is a hip hop artist. we met when i became his band's publicist. we also met after our previous relationships went ary. i believe it worked because we weren't looking for anything, anyone or had any expectations of something happening. it just happend. we just chilled and still today we chill. yes we disagree but where would the fun be if we didn't. we have a deep mutual understanding of a lot of things. and no we aren't in public slobbing each other down all the time. we were never like that. our love is something beyond the physical. people fear what they don't know. you have to be able to free, honest and chill. there is work involved. don't get it twisted. you learn as you go. that's the challenge. and their-in lies even more fun. so to my single friends, don't fear. stop putting a clock on your heart. do you. let the love in. don't knock it til you try it. youmight just like it.
i do.

2006-11-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

Church vs Kindergarten on Displaced Native American Day
or Testifying Before Recess

My daughter Phina had her Thanksgiving Day Program last Wednesday prior to the official Displaced Native American Day. My daughter gets excited at any chance to perform and basically show what she's got. She memorized her solo part, two poems and two songs in the course of two days. Uhh Hello Broadway!!

Anyway I get to her class with my turkey wings and greens sans the meat. I laughed to myself as the other parents swirled the greens around in my tupperware searching for a piece of bacon or a bit of fatback. But let's get back to the program shall we.

The production was about great feast between the Indians and the Pilgrims and how thankful everyone was that day. Blah Blah Blah. My daughter's class was split up between pilgrims and Indians. Oh and there was a King. My daughter Phina's portrayal as the Indian was loud and rather Carol Burnett like. And her dramatic interpretation of each song and poem was flawless. She was on cue so well it was if a Tony was waiting to presented to her upon the finale. And even when it wasn't my daughter's part, she mouthed everyone's else's part. At which point I gave her my stern headshake signaling her to cease. After we parents stood up, clapped, yelled and whistled for our young thespians, it was our turn to participate.

My daughter's teacher asked to go around the room and say what we were thankful for. It was volunteer of course. She began with our children who one by one stood up and announced what they were thankful for. What followed was a bunch of repeated answers like my family, my mommy, my pet etc. And then came the "toppers". Their answers included "my life"," my breath", and "to be alive." At this point a lil competition commenced starring my child.
After the last "to be alive" came "God". Then a little girl before my daughter said "Jesus Christ."
And then my daughter, being the showboat that she is says "My Bible". Now folks don't get me wrong here, we are spiritual people. We pray. We give thanks to God and know there's something beyond this world. And my kids go to church when we make it. They go more with my parents. But I know my daughter well enough to know that her response was not sincere. The way she said it and looked at her teacher was as if to say "Is that right." IT was a rehearsed answer. It seemed very scripted and not my child. I hid my reaction with a closed smile and a clap.

I said what I was thankful for in my head mainly because I was still perplexed at my daughter's response and actions. Most parents said specific things. Some were spiritually based and some weren't. Then came her teacher. My daughter's teacher stood up and praised our childrens' intelligence and work ethics. And then she proceeded to have church!!!!

In laymen's terms, she begin to testify. In the beginning it was innocent. Then as she went on to say "I give glory to God and He's been so good to me" etc and so on and so on, I was taken aback. She went on to talk about how Jesus helped her walk and how she got out of depression.
And how she prayed and prayed etc. And to make it worse, parents were agreeing with their "preach on's " and their "that's rights'." That's when I knew I was alone in my thinking. The thing is I have nothing against testifying and giving thanks to God for what he's done for me but a Kindergarten classroom is not the place. For her or any of the other parents for that matter to assume that everyone had the same belief system was not right. There is one boy in the class whose parents are muslim. Yet they didn't come to the program. And I saw his mother remind the teacher that he can't eat pork.

So really I was the only one who found it awkward. Everyone else took it. It seems as if the assumption is if you are black and go to DC public schools, then you must be Christian. And not only Christian but okay with practicing Christianity in the classroom. It's one thing for you to pray over your food at lunch time but a whole other monkey when you're giving testimony in the middle of a Thanksgiving production. Well I didn't make cause any beef. One because this is the last year my daughter will attend this school. Though I adore the community and her principal, the school itself is beyond repair and doen't have what my daughter needs. Two because I'm not muslim, a buddhist, or an athiest etc it really didn't affect me personally. But I do believe if my daughter's teacher begin to give thanks to Muhammed, there would of been an uprising.

I asked my daugher why she said my bible during her program. She said ummm, I don't know. I didn't question her any further after that. Maybe another time. But I did ask her what she was thankful for. She answered "my house." In my sincere after school special way I reminded her to always be truthful and say what you feel.

PS-And even though the other parents and teachers didn't find any meat in my husband's greens, I'm glad to say that all that was left was a spot of green juice in the corner. Oh and a partridge in a pear tree.

2006-11-20T15:42:00.000-08:00

Is There Ever An Appropiate Time to Parent A Parent

So you know I"m in Safeway again. It's interesting how I witness or have incidents in Safeway but never in Shoppers or Costco. We're in the check out line after shopping moving into our new digs. My husband, the kids and I are all delirously tired yet excited. And then I hear in the line next to us, " GET OVER HERE STUPID." My husband, myself, the kids and seemingly everyone in the line with us look over and see a woman talking to one of her children. My husband shakes his head. He sees the look in my eye and knows that I'm contemplating doing something. I stare at the woman and then she yells again to her daughter " You are getting on my f---ing nerves." At that moment we had already checked out of the line and my husband was rolling the cart towards the doors. I walked slowly looking at the woman trying to figure out what I could do. She glanced at me briefly and looked away. I knew whatever I would do would make the situation worse. I noticed that the woman had three other children with her. I saw that her mother was in a wheelchair. I looked at some of the items they had purchased.
Ice Cream. Sugary Cereal. Chocolate. Juice. I thought to myself this woman is grown. She's a grown woman like me. She's a mother like me. She gets stressed like me. She indulges in things that may not be good for her like I do sometimes. But the difference is no matter how stressed, or fed up or how much my kids may pluck that last nerve; I would never curse at them. I would never degrade them. And later on when they get older, I 'll try my best no to embarass them. But I can't promise that one too quickly. I toyed with whether or not I have a right to tell her not to talk to her child like that. Morally I felt it was wrong. I felt it was nothing short of verbal abuse. At the same time, I don't know her situation. BUT can her situation justify her degrading her child in public!!!. Regardless of how I would of said it, it was none of my business. I know how I am myself. I get on edge when another parent or older person tells me " You need to button that baby's coat". I don't get angry when people tell me these things. I'm aware of their concern. I say" thank you" or I got it" and keep it moving. Receiving information from strangers about anything regarding your child can be a touchy. I do know how to tread on these matters. I found that I can keep my ideas to myself yet let the parent know that I saw you. Now if the mama in Safeway had reached over and knocked her child back one, then I would be writing this to you all from the INSIDE!!!!. Just so you know!

2006-11-16T11:13:00.000-08:00

House, Movin' and Dented Treasures

So we signed the lease today for our digs. It's a very nice 2 bedroom w/ a full finished basement. Can we get a handclap for the basement!!! For those who don't live with an artist/producer/hip hop extaordinaire with a vinyl(records) upon vinyl and equipment; you'll never know how much a basement means to your life. Now my husband Carl has his dungoen, his space, to work, be productive and best of all, get his stuff out of the rest of our living space. Wait folks, it gets better. It even has a separate entrance!!! Heaven.

Moving is exciting yet stressful even if you have movers. The one thing I do love about it is getting to purge ourselves of stuff. I love to throw away things and to begin anew. My husband on the other hand has a tendency to resurrect his old broken things. His motto is " It can be fixed." But he has gotten better. He finally came to the realization that the five Fossil watches that he acquired prior to our union haven't walked themselves to a Fossil shop in these past six years and probably never will. And a heave ho, away we go WATCHES!!!.

And the lil' folks who dwell with us know the meaning of tossing it. I put it to my daughter in layman's terms like "YOu know Phina you have to give your old toys and clothes away to kids who don't have any and you know you'll get new stuff for Christmas." The next thing you know my daughter is agressively flinging missing doll parts towards the trash can.

Now with my son, I have to purge while he's in daycare. I learned the hard way one afternoon while cleaning under his bed that Senor Dahvi is not to be messed with when it comes to his entertainment. I mean I understand the poor fellow slaves away playing, napping and eating all day. He wants to come home and be surrounded by his stuff broken or not. So as his dear mum reached over to pitch a dented up McDonald's toy, I was threatened with a scream and " NO".
"That's mine, I play with it mommy." I try to reason. " But Dahvi, it's broken". " NO!" I try to negotiate. Most of the time it works but I'm beginning to think this item has some value to the brother. " Dahvi, I'll get you a bigger car if you let me throw this away." I thought I smelled hesistation but instead I get "Umm no it' s my car." So then I get my country black mama stare and voice on. " Ummm look-a-here lil boy, give me the car." As we tug back and forth on my son's dented up treasure, I think is this necessary. So I said" You don't fight snatch from mommy, okay. " And I let him have it. As soon as he gets up to play with something else of course, I snatch the wreck and pitch into the trash. Later he asks if I 've seen his car. I said it may be in your room. He said that's okay, I have another one. So now to avoid all this, I just to my pitchin while he's away or sleep.

2006-11-13T17:09:00.000-08:00

Breakfast Club 2 and other Tales from a Wack HS Reunion

I went to my HS reunion last month and I'm still feeling the wackness. The only reason I decided to go was to see my two really good friends Shelly and Maureen. Well I also wanted my citifiedcatholicschoolgoing husband to bear witness to what country public school was like. Oh yes he's heard the ill tales from me but to witness first hand the a bad version of the breakfast club is a whole other situation. So we drove across the bridge into Chestertown, MD. The "glorious" event including a reception and dinner was to commence at 6pm at the Betterton Firehouse. I had no idea where this was. The only thing I remember about Betterton was the beach. And I was about 10 years old. My parents gave me their usual "oh its about 2 minutes from here" because everything in "Cheddertown" as Carl calls it, is 2 minutes away. Now in "Chestertownese" 2 mins can anything from literally 2 minutes to 20 minutes to 4o minutes. But as we soon found out, Bettertown was about 10 minutes away from my house. My parents church had their prom there.

I begin to think about my hs days. I was never in a clique. I hung out with the band nerds, the alty kids aka or the weird kids, the foreign exchange students, and some future farmers of America. I guess most would remember me as the shy introverted tomboy nerd girl who liked books, U2 and pocket watches. (I'll never blog that)

So we get there from some dark, scary, winding road on time. We walk through the doors and I'm thinking no one is going to know who I am. And Carl is like "umm if we're the only ONES here, we need to leave." Now in Blackese, that meant if we're the only black folks up in the place, we're dippin' . Now any other time, in any other environment, that would not be a problem. But this is hickville folks and coming from the city, you automatically stand out. So imagine two black folk from the city who are well-traveled, well-rounded and well-mannered coming into the mix. Anywho, here's the magic moment in short or rather top 10 reasons why I WILL NEVER GO TO ANOTHER HS REUNION AGAIN!!!!!!!! drumroll

10) Business casual takes on a new definition as some folk don jeans, tight-legged khakis, tight church shirts, country club sweaters choking necks and penny loafers. Guess I didn't get the memo that we were supposed to actually dress like its 1991!!!

9) Okay so we were the only ONES there until my cousin Brian showed up and another black guy i didn't remember. He turned out to be my cousin too. Yes every black person in Cheddertown is related. Well, rather every black person in Cheddertown in related to me.

8) Okay so most of my "meet and greet" went like this:
RHC or Random HS classmate- "Oh, So u live in dc, Aren't u scared?"
Me-"Actually with all the cameras I feel pretty safe. Where are u now?"
MOST of the RHC's response- "Oh we're still here."
Me- "Oh in Cheddertown. He he. I mean Chestertown. "
RHC-"So how many kids....?"
Me-"Enough. I mean 2. Well take care, I'm going to get a cheap drink."

7) Davis DeeJay's spinning Frank Sinatra at a 91' HS reunion? But i thought you're supposed to play what was on the radio in high school. That's how they do it in the movies. My husband made a hairband request and the next thing you know, he's spinning Poison, Bon Jovi even Run DMC. No one boogied. Then came Sexy Back and Promiscious Girl. Still no boogie from my boring mates.
Save for a brief two step between my cousin Brian and his wifey.

6) It's so sad that $2 beer, $3 mixed drinks and a $5 pitcher doesn't make a happening party. What's the matter with you people!!! I come from the land of the $10 cover and $12 drink.

5) Hey I bet you I'm more high school than you are because I'm going to sit over here at my lunch table with my friends and make fun of you richie country club kids. Ha take that. Who's popular now beatches????????? Ahh a segregrated lunchroom in a firehouse!!!.

4) Shelly and Maureen didn't come. I'm after you hoochies.

3) None of my alty band nerd friends showed up.

2) It's 8:30 and I'm extremly tired. I never thought 10 pm could be so late. Oh I'm awake. Huh. Yeah DC. Not scared. 2 kids. Uh huh. Excuse me I need to
go to the ladies room. I silently scream WACK!!!!!!! into the bathroom mirror.

1) I wish I had paid $6o bucks for my parent's church's prom. I could of tossed back a few glasses of punch, watch my grandparents shimmy, pose for a polaroid and praise Jesus all in the name of fun.

PS.-I did want to give a post reunion shout out to my friend Michael Ann, her husband and my cousin Brian who helped me get through such an awful night.
And to Carl, I'm so sorry to had to endure this. But now you understand where I'm from and why the hell I won't go back. And I won't get on you for puffin a ciggy with my cuz outside the FIREhouse.

2006-11-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

Thursday was one of those days.
Kids fighting. No sleep til Brooklyn. Feet hurt from walking around all day. Husband in the NY. Brief loss of sanity. Kids settled down. Everyone laughing.
Finger hurt. Spilt and burnt tater tots. Telemarketers after 8pm. Took last drop of wine to the head. An advil too soon. Oops. Comatose. Kids sleep. Missed Party. Clock set to 5am. Fade out.

2006-11-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

stay at home mom-uhh definition please

How does one define a stay at home mother? Take myself for instance. I was a mother who stayed at home with my son. And many were quick to place that title upon me merely based on those two facts. Then add to that the fact that I was unemployed(by not fault of mine but thats another blog). I'm sure most would assume that a stay at home mom is the supreme matriarch whose sole purpose in life it to care for her children, maintain the homefront and cook polished martha stewart/ rachel ray quickie meals for her family. This definition is forever reinforced with the media's version. Vegging out on daytime tv was pure nausea for me. And sometimes I felt outright insulted. Talk shows like The View cater to that 1950's apple pie waspy def of the stay at home mom. And I guess they felt a little progressive replacing their black token Star with a gay token, Rosey. I guess ABC was just fullfilling their diversity quotas. And home shopping networks in particular appeal to this demographic with their cooking products, baby products and other junk to make your life easier. If I see another scrapbook or craft corner I'm going to toss. And I detest the Quacker Factory with bedazzaled mom jeans and monstrous patterns splattered upon faded denim. Farm animals on clothing should be illegal. Ladies, this clothing is obviously saying sex doesn't live here anymore!!!! Is anyone convinced that flannel is the new silk? Are stay at home mothers really buying this???? We have to change the way media and society are portraying stay at home mothers. They are not all Desparate Housewives nor the cartoon characters on The View. Now don't get me wrong, I don't curse in front of my children, listen to lewd music and do lewd acts in front of them mainly because they probably already seen it on the street from another mama!!! And I just don't think its right. But that me. Lets embrace all our stay at home moms including ones who work at home, the gays, the grandmothers, the grandfathers, and other guardians who are employed at the home. And if you are a stay at home mom whether by choice or not, make sure you have a life outside your children. Enjoy your other passions in addition to your family because one day they will become adults with the ability to leave the confines of your utopia. And you are left switching their room back and forth in case they come back.

PS-I'm strangely drawn to HSN or QVC's products by Susanne Summers. Anyone who can push a sweater, a necklace, a crock pot, syrup, and spa regimen all in a couple of hours ain't nothing but a P.I.M.P.

2006-11-08T14:57:00.000-08:00

Hey You Got EBT? Hell No But Please!!!

So i'm in the grocery store with my children. Dahvi is in the stroller and Phina is walking. As i make my way down an isle on a mission to find mac and cheese, I notice a woman staring at me. Now being the country gurl that I am, I briefly glance at her, politely smile and keep moving. I turn to the shelves and remember i need to call my ole man aka my hubby to find out what else we needed. But this lady keep staring. So I broke down and said "Hi." She says "Hi" back awkwardly because I guess now she's realized she's bore a hole in my back with her steely stare. AND then ladies and gents, she announces " Oh you know the ebt machine is down". Now for those of u who don't know the ebt machine is used for the ebt card which is government assistance. I was immediatly taken aback by her assumption and wondered why she needed to inform me of this. So I said rather direct "Oh, Well I don't have a card but I wish I did." "Oh, yeah okay," she said with her face pulled back. As I finished shopping I wondered why this woman would assume I had an ebt card. What specifically about me makes her think I have one? Is there a look? Is there a special walk? Of course not. But if i were to feed into a certain sterotype, I guess the bottom line would be because I was rolling with mi ninos. u know. my seeds. my kids. Although I felt the woman should of been minding hers, I wasn't in the least offended. And I meant it when I said I wish I had one. But because I'm married and my husband's income is at a certain level means we don't qualify for the ebt card. But like most just-getting-by americans, we struggle paying bills and even live check to check sometimes. we make it. We try to save. We labor away to get a chip of the american dream. And if you're not elderly, a single parent and or making next to nothing; those types of benefits don't apply to you. Though it is my tax money and I do feel like I should get a little piece of the action. My youthful appearance and frugal ways make people of all races assume I'm a young single mother on "the system". And with that comes all kinds of negativity. And that's sad. So what if you're a young single mother on "the system" in the grocery store getting food for your children. Isn't that what you're supposed to do. In the past months prior to my husband's work hours changing and my son's new gig at the daycare; my son Dahvi would obviously accompany me on errands. And while I watched other mamas'of other ethnicities receive immediate help in a store, I would be ignored until I whipped out my credit card. This didn't happen every time. But it did happen a lot. This discrimination came mainly from my own people. There were times I thought maybe it was because I wore sneakers instead of high heels while comparing fruit or didn't push my son in that $800 stroller. Our model was a hand me down Graco. Whatever sterotype or assumption they tried to put upon me quickly dissolved when they saw me give snacks to my child, or whip out the plastic. I say "so what" to that that lady in the grocery store or to anyone for that matter who assumes I'm on assistance or in the system. It doesn't matter whether I have an ebt card or American Express. I'm providing for my family the best way I know and that's all that should matter.

2006-11-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

October 30, 2006. This is the day that will be a testimony to all mamas who think they're children will surely be lost causes without them by not being with them eight or more hours a day. On this day my 2 and half year old son Dahvi , donning his Winnie The Pooh backpack took a giant leap from his father's side into daycare. He immediately grabbed his new teacher's leg and barely caught his father's voice in the near distance inquiring about a kiss or bye. But he got the message and proceeded to poke his lips in the direction of his ole man enough for him to receive the goodbye peck. My husband's heartfelt "Have a Good Day, I love you " was a faint echo as a my son skipped into his new land of colored walls, plush carpeting, other little people, miniture chairs, books and the ultimate boxes and crates overflowing with toys. My husband called me to tell me about Dahvi's reaction. I half laughed and half whimpered. After spending 350 something days of the year with yours truly, it was about time. My son needed to be around other kids on a more regular basis. I was a stay at home mom but not by choice. I immedietly became unemployed and my sitter retired at the same time. All the daycares we could afford were filled to capacity or had 2 year waiting lists. In between searching for a job, interviewing, rewriting my resume and searching for more jobs, I took care of Dahvi. I loved being home with my son but I knew I needed to work to help support our family. Such is life in a gentrified, expensive place like DC. And my other mamafriends were at work so playdates didn't exist. And groups like MochaMoms and the like weren't my type of thing. Yet it wasn't hard in the beginning to entertain my son. But later on running errands, trying on clothes, grocery shopping were getting tiresome. Staying at home is ideal situation to me but in my current situation its not realistic. We're not the type of family who spends frivously nor live beyond our means. We want the same things as most families such as a safe home, better than average education and good health. As we try to change and make our lives better for our children's future, we undestand and are willing to sacrifice. I enjoyed every moment my son and I had together each day and I equally adore every moment without him. I'm glad he's left the nest but I'm also glad he knows where it is. And I'm glad to know he's in a great educational facility smoozing with other genius 2 and half year olds.

PS. After my son's first day, his teacher asked if she could put him in the 3-4 year old class. "Umm he's very advanced and can pee on his own, she said"
" Well yeah" I said. " I mean can he get a job.